Today, unfortunately, I cannot say I have been “Master of My Emotions”
This has been an extremely difficult day to control my emotions as I am currently mourning the loss of my Mother-In-Law, who passed away peacefully, at home, this afternoon. She was such a wonderful woman, in so many ways, who I can (oddly) say I have known and loved all of my life. Just feeling kind of numb right now…
“Inside me is a wheel, constantly turning from sadness to joy….” (from Scroll VI)
Bring on the Joy!!
I decided early in the week to do a ‘mini-retreat’ yesterday (at home) during the day when the rest of my family was at work and school.
Upon the initial decision to do this 2 thoughts came to mind… One was a song I remembered from my childhood “Silence Is Golden” (Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons) I searched it on YouTube and realized that I didn’t really know the lyrics to it and had I when I was young I probably wouldn’t have understood them anyhow. The melody was definitely in my brain, although I’m quite certain I haven’t heard it in a number of years. Second thought I had was a memory of a game my 2 brothers and I used to play near the end of our dinner meal. It went like this…Someone would shout out “Silence, until I say ‘no silence’…Silence”. The object was for everyone to remain silent (obviously), and the first person to break the silence received some sort of ‘punishment’. I’m not really sure what that was. Or maybe the other two just made fun of them, I don’t remember. I hadn’t thought of that silly game in a very long time. It did bring a smile to my face and warmed my heart in the recollection of it.
Now for the ‘retreat’. It started at 9am and I was very unsure how I would possibly not go ‘stir- crazy’ spending the day in silence. I sat on the couch in our Family room. Okay, so i soon realized that the house is not that quiet without a few ‘adjustments’. The mantel clock in the livingroom had to have to battery removed so it didn’t ‘chime’ every 15 minutes. The clock on the mantel in the family room also needed to have to battery removed as it went ‘tick-tock’. Okay, so getting there… Some things I could not silence, such as the storm happening outside. The rain was pounding down on the deck out back and also against the windows. The wind was also howling quite loudly. Apparently I cannot stop the wind (lol). I thought maybe the power would go out…that wouldn’t have mattered (lol). Also, aircraft flew overhead from time to time. One cat on my lap was purring 🙂 I have to say that all of these things were definitely more noticeable than they have been at any other time. About and hour and a half in I started to get really ‘bored’. That’s when I decided to read my GS. I remembered Mark saying we could do our regular readings if we wanted. I made the decision to read the intro (story) and each of the first 6 scrolls. That was amazing. I kind of remembered the story, but it was nice to have a ‘refresher’ as it has been almost 6 months since I read it. All the scrolls were like ‘old friends’…such an easy read. Each one felt like it was only a week or two since we read them. It’s really hard to believe it’s been as long as it has. Anyways, after I finished them I have to admit I fell asleep for an hour and a half. I had such vivid dreams….not all good, but so very ‘real’. After awakening I made lunch and settled back down for a couple more hours before my children returned home. When they did arrive I advised them that I was not speaking until 5pm. They were really good at obliging. My daughter (who is 17) was very inquisitive as to what this was all about. I think she thought I was ‘losing it’, lol. I filled her in the best I could.
My next (and real) ‘silence retreat’ will be done away somewhere where I can completely “unplug” and for a full 48 to 72 hours. I am working on such an event happening in April or May. This will definitely require some planning.
Looking forward to spending some more time with ‘me, myself, and I’
Are we “there”, yet?
Interesting title that came to me yesterday as I was giving serious thought to this week’s blog post.
The very short answer is “NO”!! Truth be told I am not even sure where “there” is at the moment….So, how do I know when I get there (lol)?? I realize that my DMP needs some ‘serious‘ revision. It needs to change…because I’ve changed!!
I don’t know if I expected that at the ‘end’ of this MKE I would be “there“, but I definitely know that will not be the case seeing as we only have a handful of weeks to go. I do, however, know that I am a lot further along my “desired” (at this point) journey than had this course not entered my life. And for that I will be forever grateful, as I think I’ve mentioned before 🙂
I have not yet ‘carved out’ time to do a retreat in silence, but am working towards such a time happening in the next month or two. When the idea was first ‘suggested’ on the webby last week my initial (internal) response was “How can I possibly do that…With the family and all of my ‘obligations’?” Within moments, though, I have to say that I was able to turn that around and instead focus my thoughts on figuring out a way for it TO happen! I have not come up with a concrete plan, yet, but have a couple of ‘strong’ possibilities in mind. I hope to achieve it by the end of April. Looking forward to it!!
How many people read a book (“cover to cover”) after graduating college these days let alone go into as much depth as we have in undergoing a complete mind ‘makeover’. WOW!!
I am so in the midst of this ‘transformation’ that I am at a loss of what to write about this week (at this moment, anyways).
So I guess I’ll just say “Stay tuned…the best is yet to come!!”
Funny how what I write about each week just ‘comes to me’. Not really, I guess…
This week for some reason I gave thought to the common “T.G.I.F.” statement that people make nearing the end of their work week. I have been fortunate enough that I have not had a J.O.B. (“Just Over Broke”, lol) for several years now. Therefore, I personally, have not uttered this saying for many, many years. I do realize, however, that “most people” out there live day to day just “Working for the weekend” (Loverboy Hit song from the 80’s). How sad is that!! To be not following their “Bliss”. The really sad part is that many seem to be merely ‘existing’. For the month of January I was without a vehicle, so I took public transit around the city on a few occasions. The majority of people looked like “drones” to me…just ‘going through the motion’…with very little expression on their faces (not happy ones anyways) and certainly no ‘bounce’ in their step! We have so much opportunity to make our lives truly OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD fantastic!!! As we heard in last week’s webby, most people choose ‘comfort’ when choosing between that and ‘perceived’ ‘risk‘. WOW !!
I choose to “Live this day as if it is my last” and graciously accept this day as an “opportunity for me to become the woman I know I can be”!!
Very few (to this point) have been ‘blessed’ with the MKMMA experience like I have! I am so very, very Grateful…again…and again…and again…
Here we are in week 19 and the thought of this MKMMA coming to an end ‘soon’ is somewhat frightening. Through conversation today with a fellow ‘MKMMA’er I realize how much I have changed (and those on the Journey along with me that I know personally)! I am truly, Extremely Grateful for everything in my life to this point and on a continual basis day to day moving forward! Simple things I have ‘adopted’ to my daily life will NOT change even after the MKMMA course is over. There are, of course, several, but the one lately I have been most focused on is the ‘expressing’ of our 3 Gratitudes on index cards daily. Such an easy thing to do, yet so beneficial!
This past week when the pipe sprung a leak in a wall in my laundry room, I did not react as I would have prior to this MKMMA Journey. Even though there was water ‘everywhere’, the first thought that came to my mind was “something good will come from this”! I was extremely grateful that the Plumber that I had the number for was able to get to me at the end of his ‘usual’ day’s work. I was even more grateful that he had “Persistence” (my Virtue of the week), to find and fix the leaking pipe. Imagine if he had just said, “sorry, I don’t know what the problem is”, lol…not!! The ‘good’ that came out of it is that my entire Laudry room has never been so clean and organized, and I got rid of a lot of useless dlutter…aka, ‘junk’. Now, this was a ‘project’ I was going to get ‘around to’ at some point, but honestly it was not anywhere near the top of my ‘to do’ list. Who knows when it would have been!
Anyways, another week, another blog, more and more gratitude!!!!’
Interesting how we are aware of all of these virtues we are ‘studying’ as we already possess all of them within us.
This has been a week full of decisions…as are all, no doubt !! The decision to ‘not do’ something is just as much of a decision as ‘to do’ it! …however…
My virtue this week is ‘decisiveness’ (adverb). I have just searched the true, dictionary definition as I’m writing this blog. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary the definition of ‘decisive’ (adjective) is as follows: